Rigor is not a commonly used word nowadays. In this context, I mean diligence, precision, accuracy and meticulousness. The rigor I’m referring to means you are focusing on changing a behavior for the better. Typically starting or stopping a habit. Rigor takes extreme focus with a purpose.

For example, if you were trying to sharpen your golf game, you’d practice with awareness and consciousness, working to perfect your swing, stance or putt. You may engage a pro to help you refine your skills.

If you want to lose weight, you’ll do better if you write down everything you eat and staying on a proven eating plan. You are more conscious of your hunger level instead of automatically reaching for a snack. You put in parameters that guide your behavior, like “no eating starches after 5:00,” or “every day walk around the block upon rising.” You may join a group program or hire a coach to help you stay on track.

Everyone has a habit or two that could use shoring up. Maybe you’re always late to meetings, don’t return emails for a few days, or forget to pack your lunch so you spend or eat more than you’d like in the cafeteria. You want to change the habit(s), but you don’t seem to make much progress.

What could you do to add more rigor?

• Tell another of your commitment. Having an accountability partner can be the motivation you need to shift behaviors.
   
• Figure out what gets in your way of establishing the new behavior. If you’re late because you don’t notice the time, set an alarm. If you’re a “one more thing” person, force yourself to just get up and leave in time. Put the tools in place to help you make the changes.
   
• Track your results — daily (or perhaps hourly). You’ll see your progress — or lack there of — and be more motivated to stay (or get) on target.
   
• Commit to behaving consciously and purposefully around this change. Don’t allow yourself to go on automatic. If you find you’re slipping into the old behavior, stop and shift as soon as you’re aware of it.

Changing habits isn’t often easy. But if you add rigor to your desires, they will change more quickly.

If you missed the live session, I invite you to watch the recording of my webinar, “Effectively Growing Your Key Talent: Are You Sunlight and Water or Just Manure?” http://bit.ly/wf3wK4

I was having difficulty with one of my three PayPal accounts and couldn’t find the solution online. I clicked on the “contact” button and found their telephone number — always a relief to have the option to talk to a live person.

I dialed, and it was my lucky day! I got Paul, a supervisor in Omaha, who was taking the overflow calls. He was attentive, intelligent, clear and proactive. He not only cleared up the issue I was having, he helped me with a problem I was having on a second account.

How delightful to have someone who not only immediately understood the issue, but went out of his way to correct it while still on the call. He said normally it would take a few days but he had access to fixing it right then. Great!

The second issue was about my being charged $20 for a chargeback from a customer who forgot she’d made a purchase and filed a dispute with Amex which she used to pay the PayPal order. When I forwarded her the copy of her online order she was very apologetic and immediately called Amex to cancel the dispute. But I was still charged $20.

Paul looked at the history, saw what had happened and poof — he put $20 back in the account. Again wow!

I know live support costs companies lots of money. Yet the goodwill it costs to not have support can also be hefty. When you are dependent on email support and get responses selected by a computer or someone who doesn’t understand your question it’s frustrating.

I applaud PayPal for investing in their customers’ satisfaction. It’s become so rare nowadays.

I am co-facilitating the Thought Leadership Symposium for Women with my colleague and symposium founder, Roberta Guise. This 2½ day immersion experience is for women who want to change the way people think, and who won’t rest until they succeed. It includes 12-month follow-on implementation program and is limited on only 15 women.

The dates are February 24-26, 2012 in San Francisco.

Full details and registration info are in the downloadable brochure. Early-bird pricing ends Jan. 13 so register today for the best value.

http://www.guisemarketing.com/-symposiumguisemarketing/

It’s trite to say that you better appreciate what you have when you see others who have less.

It’s hackneyed to say you’ve received more than you gave when you give to those who have less than you.

It’s condescending to believe that those who have fewer material goods are less well off than you.

So instead, let me focus on the unexpected lessons I learned from a visit to a Bali girls’ orphanage in November.

When I accepted the invitation from my friend Karleen to accompany her for a week-long vacation to Bali, I hadn’t realized the orphanage visit was part of the deal. But when she told me she’d like to see the girls she’d met there two years ago, I immediately said I wanted to go with her. I’d heard about this orphanage, the Widhya Asih Orphanage #4, from two other friends who support it through Together We Can Change the World.

“Number 4″ is unusual in that it houses 70 teenaged girls. Prior to our trip, I asked the orphanage manager, Tina, what the girls needed. The list included umbrellas, toothbrushes, toothpaste, and “girly” items — hair ornaments, lotions, shampoo, nail polish, etc.

Knowing my neighbors like contributing to others, I emailed them the wish list. Soon I received donations of new age-appropriate clothing, as well as 70 sets of handmade jewelry. These gifts were from neighbors I’d never met. Wow! 

• Lesson learned: When you ask for a good reason, people will blow you away with what they contribute.

I connected with a colleague in Bali who I’d never met. When he heard of our wanting to visit Number 4 he immediately offered transportation, as it was an hour away from where we were staying. His wife and brother-in-law were our driver/guides.

• Lesson learned: Sometimes just sharing your plans evokes offers of help from others.

We’d told Tina our planned arrival time, so when we pulled up a bevy of girls greeted us with huge smiles and friendly attitudes. They seemed excited to have visitors and treated us like celebrities.

They politely introduced themselves, shaking our hands and asking our names. They had no trouble with “Rebecca” but “Karleen” was an uncommon name for them to remember. I illustrated it for them by saying “car” and placing my hands on an imaginary steering wheel, then leaned to the right — with my hands still on the non-existent wheel — as I said “lean.” They giggled and imitated me. 

• Lesson learned: People will respond positively if you make it easy for them to remember unusual words.

Touring the facilities, we viewed their sewing room where they make items to sell through a US retail outlet, Lantern Moon. They supplement the orphanage’s revenue which enables more girls to attend school and have what they need to survive.

When asked to see their bedroom, several friendly girls revealed a neat, clean room the size of many Americans’ walk-in closet with 2 sets of bunk beds for 4 girls. A window looked out on a courtyard and four stacking lockers stored each girl’s worldly belongings. I realized they didn’t react as I’d imagine some American kids would — embarrassed at how little they had — but instead they were proud of their room’s order.

• Lesson learned: Sometimes we forget how few possessions it would take for us to be happy.

We gathered the girls in a large semi-circle to distribute the gifts from our jam-packed suitcases. We unpacked the clothes, shampoo, toothbrushes, lotions, and other goodies. Tina explained that each girl would choose one item until everyone had something, then they would choose a second item. Some of the girls were busy doing chores so we saved some items to let them have a pick of treats.

My generous neighbor had donated teen items like jeans, t-shirts with rhinestones, sequined hats, cute tops, skirts and one special party dress. I was sure these would be the most coveted items. 

At home while packing, I looked around for new items in my house that I thought might be useful to the girls. I’d bought some ankle socks in various colors that were still in the package, so threw them in. I separated each color so the girls could choose among the pink, purple and gray socks. To my amazement, a girl rushed to pick the gray pair when Tina told them to pick! 

• Lesson learned: What may seem a top prize to you will be eschewed in favor of a lesser (to you) item, but will be a treasure to another. I’d never have guessed a pair of gray anklets would be valued over cute, fashionable tops and jeans.

The girl who chose the black party dress told others who also had admired it they could borrow it for special events when she wasn’t using it.

• Lesson learned: Some might think that having nearly no special belongings would cause one to be stingy and possessive. This girl showed that even though dressy clothes were rare in this environment, she could still be generous with her treasure.

The girls seemed appreciative of all our gifts, even toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss! Sometimes we undervalue utilitarian items thinking only fun gifts will be appreciated. But these girls seemed thrilled with everything we brought.

• Lesson learned: If you receive a gift that is more useful than fun, know that if you didn’t have the useful one it would make your life less comfortable. If you didn’t get a new toothbrush very often, receiving one is valued.

We hadn’t been there much more than an hour, but we’d had some sweet interactions with a number of the girls. We’d wished we could stay longer, but our driving hosts had a previous engagement. As we began our goodbyes, girls wanted their pictures taken with us and asked for our Facebook names so they could friend us. 

• Lesson learned: Sometimes it doesn’t take long to feel connected with someone. If you are both authentic and open, you can touch each other’s hearts with a smile, an eye connection, and a little conversation.

My biggest lesson was to cement my philosophy to say “yes” to opportunities to help others when I can. It really does enrich our lives more than we could have possibly imagined.

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My purpose in writing this is to 1) share some lessons learned that might be useful to you, and 2) by gathering the most “likes” and comments, to earn the $700 prize from HRToolbox.com to go toward the Widhya Asih Orphanage 4 through Give2Asia, which would earmark the donation to Number 4. This would pay one month’s school tuition for 41 girls. We know that education is the key to escaping poverty and ensuring a positive future for these girls. At the end of the contest, my entry won the first prize!